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How To Change Your Thoughts To
Eliminate Stress
By Teri B. Clark
Think back to a stressful time in your life. Perhaps it was
a divorce, an illness, an employment issue, a family
problem, etc. I don’t want you to remember how you felt, but
I do want you to remember what you were thinking. Were you
saying things like:
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What did I do to deserve this? |
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I always have bad luck? |
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I’ll never be able to get back on my feet after this
setback? |
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My life is on hold and I can’t move forward? |
Statements like these go through our heads when something
bad/stressful is happening. Negative talk can create
anxiety. Positive talk can help to alleviate that anxiety.
Changing your thoughts during the day can help you decrease
your stress and lower your stress hormone levels, allowing
you to sleep better and be healthier.
Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)
We constantly talk to ourselves. When things are happening,
we are carrying on a dialogue in our head about the event.
Most of the time we are not even aware of the conversation,
but it is there and it is causing us to feel certain
emotions.
When we are stressed, our self-talk changes. It becomes more
focused on the stressor at hand. It also becomes distorted
and focuses only on the negative aspects of the event.
Let’s look at an example. You went to your doctor last week
and had some routine blood work done. When you get home from
work, you have a message on your answering machine asking
you to call your doctor’s office. What kinds of Automatic
Negative Responses (ANTs) might you think?
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Oh no! The results must have shown something terrible. |
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Do I have cancer? Am I going to die? |
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It must be horrible or they would have just told me the news
on the machine. |
ANTs are automatic and require no effort on your part. They
typically take things in the worst possible light and jump
to conclusions. We tend to see ANTs as the truth or as fact
and don’t stop to question their validity.
Let’s look back at the message from the doctor’s office.
What other possible reason might there be for the call? It
could be that they need some additional insurance
information to file your claim. They could be calling to
tell you that your blood work came back just fine. They
could be calling to tell you that you have something quite
minor. Yet, our immediate response is to get tunnel vision
and see the negative. Why?
Since it is an automatic response, we must assume that it
has to do with survival. In the days of tiger hunting, you
needed to react quickly and without thinking to potential
danger. If you saw an object in your path that looked like a
poisonous snake, you could immediately flee from the
situation – even if the object only turned out to be a
stick. It was far better to err on the side of negative,
tunnel visioned thoughts than it would have been to assume
it was a stick and be bitten by the snake.
In today’s world, however, we are faced with many stress
responses and we don’t need to act automatically, nor do we
always need to act negatively. When we do, we elicit a
full-blown stress response that will affect our health and
our sleep.
The Positive Reframe
Sometimes a negative response is the right response to a
situation. If a loved one dies, it is normal and natural to
grieve and feel loss. If you lose your job, it is normal to
feel upset. However, these feelings are usually
time-limited.
The problem arises when the negative emotions are excessive,
unhealthy, long-lasting, and create excessive stress
responses. When this happens, sleep, motivation, and health
are adversely affected.
The key is learning to change your ANTs and reframe them in
a positive manner. By doing so, we can keep the stress
response lowered.
Recognizing ANTs
Before you can make changes in your ANTs, you are going to
have to learn to recognize them. The best way is to write
them down. In this way, you will be able to see what you say
to yourself and objectively examine the statements so that
you can see how distorted and negative they are.
Try this exercise:
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Choose one or two situations that occurred where you had
negative emotional reactions. Describe the situation briefly
under a column you call “situation.” It might be something
like “Traffic jam on way to work” or “Argument with daughter
about homework,” etc. |
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In the next column, write your ANTs. Ask yourself, “What
were the negative thoughts going through my head while this
situation was going on? What thoughts contributed to my
stress?” |
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Do this for a couple of days until you become more aware of
your ANTs. Once you can recognize some of your ANTs, move
onto the next step. |
Four Methods For Reframing ANTs
You are now ready to add a third column to your exercise.
Name this column “positive reframe.”
Black and White To Gray
The first method for reframing is changing all or nothing,
also called black and white words, to gray words.
Let’s take an example. If you said, “I always have bad luck”
you used a black and white word – always. Very rarely is
always or never true. Instead, you could use a gray word –
sometimes – to reframe this ANT. “I sometimes have bad
luck.” Now it doesn’t seem so awful.
Here is a good list of black and white words to help you:
Catastrophe
Must, must be
Impossible
Always
Incompetent
Bad
Evil
Powerless
Unjust
Complete disapproval or complete failure
Never
If you find that you are using black and white words in your
ANTS, then you can change them to gray words. Instead of
impossible, you can say that it is difficult, but that you
are up for the challenge. Find a way to reframe your
thoughts without the “all or nothing” words.
Ask Key Questions
Another method is to ask yourself key questions about the
ANT:
1. With an open mind, can I rationally support and prove this
ANT?
2. What evidence exists that proves the falseness of the ANT?
3. Does any evidence exist that proves the truth of my ANT?
4. Is what happened really as awful and intolerable as my ANT
suggested?
5. Why is the ANT unrealistic?
6. Why is the ANT unproductive?
7. How does the ANT keep me from getting what I want?
8. What pain has the ANT caused me in the past?
9. What pain will the ANT cause me in the future?
10. If I told 100 people my ANT, how many of them would tell
me that it is realistic and productive?
These questions will help you see the inaccuracies and
falsehood of your ANTs. They will help you see your ANTs as
thoughts and not facts. As you answer these questions,
develop a positive reframe about your ANT.
The Comparison Technique
A third method for creating a positive reframe is to use the
comparison technique. We are typically much harder on
ourselves than we are on others. So, look at your ANTs as
though you were saying them to a friend. Would you? If not,
then what would you say? Write this down as your positive
reframe.
Look To The Past
And finally, look to the past. You’ve probably experienced
something similar in the past. How did it turn out? Was it a
total catastrophe? No, or you wouldn’t be here now doing
this exercise. By looking to our past we can prove to
ourselves that the situation is not as bad as we are making
it out to be. You can create a positive reframe by comparing
the current situation to a past one.
The Positive Automatic Response (PAT)
Now that you can identify your ANTs and you know how to make
a positive reframe, you need to start doing so more
automatically, rather than by writing them down at the end
of the day. There are three steps to the PAT technique:
1. Stop. When you find yourself in a stressful situation, say
“Stop.” This will help you to stop your ANTs before they get
out of hand.
2. Take Five. After you say stop, practice a “Take Five.”
This will relax you and direct your attention away from the
stressful event.
3. Positive Reframe. Reframe your ANTs using one of the
techniques described above.
This PAT technique is useful, but hard to learn since our
ANTs are so automatic and ingrained. But with practice you
can give yourself a PAT instead of filling yourself with
ANTs – and everyone I know would rather have a pat than be
crawling with ants!
The more you practice them, the better you will become at
decreasing the stress in your life. And as you decrease the
stress, you will find that you are happier and healthier.
About The Author
Teri Clark’s interest in the new and different has led to a
successful online writing career as an editor, researcher,
ghostwriter, and author. Learn more about Teri by going to
www.teribclark.com. |
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